She said her name was "party"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
