you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
