I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
