This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
