I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
