I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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