thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
