That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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