A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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