He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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