they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They took my balls.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
