we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
