Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
