can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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