we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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