youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
