And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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