doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
