im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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