How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
