so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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