I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize