do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
