yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
