You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
