so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
