all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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