After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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