She said her name was "party"
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
