We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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