He had one of those small greek statue penises
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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