as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
