The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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