You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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