I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
