you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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