Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize