So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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