____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
