Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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