i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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