After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
