I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
