i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
