in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize