Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
