If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We left the knife in your bed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
