I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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