no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
