You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
