i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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