Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
