There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
