Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
