he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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