youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
