I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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