Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize