She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
