Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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