seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
