hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
