Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
