Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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