There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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