Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
