my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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