Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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