Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
