No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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