I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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