Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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