why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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