wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
